mental health

2017 in a nutshell

So here I sit on the 31st December 2017… as usual time has flown by and we’re about to hop into another new year. Usually at the end of this month I would have a long list of goals that I would be carefully narrowing down. I’d be pumped about how much I was planning to achieve and I’d probably be feeling pretty triumphant about the year that has passed us by. This time it’s a little different…

2017 has been tough for me and now’s the time to admit it. If you follow me on Instagram this won’t be new news as you’ll have no doubt picked up from some of my posts that I’ve not been my usual chirpy self over the past six months. Don’t get me wrong, I’m still very lucky to be leading the life I am and for a lot of people things are so much worse. In fact in many ways I am spoilt and I don’t for a moment want anyone to think I’m feeling sorry for myself. Trust me it couldn’t be further from the truth. The point of my honesty blog post today is that I wanted to share with you all that despite how it may appear from the outside I’ve actually got to the point this year where I’ve struggled to get out of bed and put one foot in front of the other. Yes really. However, I’ve done it and that’s mostly thanks to having an amazing support network of friends and family.

So I guess my mental health finally gave in to the strain of some pretty big traumas over the years and other stuff like really finding it a lot harder being a working Mum of two and trying to run my businesses with a baby that could suddenly move. That’s definitely harder than I remember! I went from thinking I could literally do anything if I put my mind to it, to the complete opposite. I couldn’t string together a sentence some days and I felt like I was failing to look after my family, run my businesses and any of the other normal day to day things that we usually do without a second thought. I was crumbling and at times reached unfathomable lows. However, and this is the important part… I’m ok, I got help (I’m having help) and I’m temporarily on some medication and do you know what, that’s all ok. I haven’t failed and I’m not a pathetic shadow of the person I once was. I’m just having a blip.

It’s my mental health. It’s like having migraines, diabetes or another disease but it’s my brain that needs some help. That’s still ok and I’m fine with it. Actually I feel quite liberated saying it out loud (well writing it on here anyway!) and that is also super important. I actually work with a mental health charity and we try to stamp out the stigma around mental health so I for one should definitely be open about my own circumstances. It’s not embarrassing, it’s normal and very common. Maybe you know someone who suffers with their mental health or perhaps do yourself. It’s ok. What’s not ok, is people that attach stigma to it. Being depressed, anxious, suicidal it’s not a choice. It’s an illness and we all need to talk about it more, like we would if we’d broken a bone or had Cancer. It’s no different. So if you are battling with anything similar yourself speak out about it, to friends, family, to a doctor, a counsellor, the samaritans, on social media, to me if you think that would help. Don’t bottle it up and don’t for one second think that you are failing or letting anyone down. It is NOT a choice and it’s hard but with help you can get through it. I will. I don’t know how long it will take and that’s ok. It doesn’t define me but I’m also not afraid to say that it’s part of me. 2018 I think I’m ready for you…

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12 Comments

  1. Maisie

    You are an amazing woman

  2. Gill Godfrey

    Bless your heart now that’s a big thing for you to express your true feelings lovey about yourself xx love you loads and I am so very proud of you too xx

  3. Tony Adams

    Very nicely put Kaori. Mental turmoil ruins lives. It’s a big thing to share your innermost feelings with everyone. Wearing your heart on your sleeve isn’t an easy thing to do. The more people that do open up, hopefully encourages others to do the same. As Bob Hoskins famously said!. “It’s good to talk”but equally it’s good to listen!. Love you xxx

  4. Aunts Jen

    Beautifully, truthfully , honestly and heartfelt said my darling.
    You will have given strength to others and in turn you will be rewarded with some inner strength.
    The Love you give is never questioned and in return you have a constant network of love, understanding and strength encircling you day and night.
    Xxxx

  5. Jacqui Adams

    Beautifully written, heartfelt and inspiring. You are indeed a voice of many things Kaori and I know from conversations from other mothers that this is not uncommon for women (and some men) I know there are probably many factors from your history that have brought you to this point, but perhaps what has allowed these feelings to surface is the notion you have lost your former self through the struggles of work and motherhood. In fact it’s just another transition this time just letting go a little and embracing a new chapter. Don’t underestimate that just your being not your doing is a joy to be around. Much love always xxx

  6. Lou davies

    Here here Kaori. Its tough but reaching out is hard too but theres help out there for everyone. Proud of you my friend x

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